@: The doctor says I'm depressed because I don't have enough iron in my diet so I've started nibbling on the gun in my mouth.
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@longwall26: The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in.
@dreamsinchocola: My husbands signature move is running to town "real quick" and coming home 5 hours later.
@Thedudish: As my girlfriend was trying on jeans, a clerk asked her "Need a bigger size?" I saw the look on her face and went to make room in the trunk.