@: The doctor says I'm depressed because I don't have enough iron in my diet so I've started nibbling on the gun in my mouth.
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@_sinistroll: WIFE: He makes everything into a wood pun ME: This couch has such great lumber support WIFE: See?? THERAPIST: Try to stop ME: Oakey dokey
@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.
@tastefactory: Die Hard (1988):A cop stops terrorists in a building Therapist:Sounds cool but lets discuss how ur parents named u the title/year of a movie
@ShaunNaNaD: I'm pretty sure I have all of those countless hours spent playing Tetris to thank for my mad dishwasher loading skills.