@: The doctor says I'm depressed because I don't have enough iron in my diet so I've started nibbling on the gun in my mouth.
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@dorsalstream: NASA CHIEF: No I said make a TIME machine. ME: Oh that makes much more sense. [Thousands of Tims nod in unison]
@JRobb773: I hate when I come home from work exhausted and the haunted dolls moved all the furniture two inches to the left.
@CopBroughtPizza: [galileo's wife walks in] *quickly pointing the telescope from the neighbor's window to the sky* i was just studying the... phases of venus.
@Bob_Janke: If your BF wears a gold necklace outside of his tshirt both of you will be asked to get out of your car by the police at gunpoint some day