@Xoolun: The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet.
So I have no switched to mint Oreos.
@LMFaye: The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
@NurseSeymour: "Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
@pleatedjeans: me: Hi it is nice to meet u. I am Jeff
date: Are u reading off notecards
M: Yes sex at ur place sounds gr-wait crap these are out of order
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Why were you speeding?
Me: SHE'S IN LABOR!
Cop: That's a beach ball in a wig.
Me: I don't think I'm the father.
Cop: Get out.
@KKAlThani: LISTEN LADY IF YOU DIDN'T WANT ME SITTING ON YOUR BABY YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED ASKING FOR A BABYSITTER