@Xoolun: The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet.
So I have no switched to mint Oreos.
@WKirkMarshall: (meeting for naming cereal)
"List the ingredients; maybe we'll get inspired."
"Honey, bunches of oats–"
"I think we're done here."
@nancy_yogapants: Yes, autocorrect, I live you too.
@Cravin4: Son:Dad's trick or treating as a ghost in a bed sheet?
Wife:& heels,eye patch & his hand stuck in a Nutella jar. More like a ghost on ambien
@DurtMcHurtt: Raccoons are like hobos, they live outside plus they don't like being shaved while they're eating.
@ohwrigley: Mommy? Does Barbie come with Ken? No dear, she comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.