@Xoolun: The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet.
So I have no switched to mint Oreos.
@Sadieisonfire: I learned how to count cards so I could hustle idiot 4 year olds out of their juice box when we play Go Fish
@ilyaschaeffer: Netflix would be a great dating site. "Here are 20 other singles in your area who have also watched Shameless for 7 straight hours."
@NATxHAN: Had a 6" sammich from subway today, and it totally didn't fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I'm so, so sorry.
@SocialustGal13: There are 2 kinds of people:
1) Happy morning people
2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
@AndDube: Thank you, internet, thank you. 😂 #Covfefe