@Xoolun: The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet.
So I have no switched to mint Oreos.
@Rollinintheseat: The most valuable lesson I learned from Hey Arnold is that it's okay to punch mouth breathers in the face.
@Brampersandon_: PREACHER: any prayer requests?
3 DUCKS IN A TRENCHCOAT (from the last pew): do the one about our daily bread
@FrenulumBreve: "hello pretty lady." [i slide down the bar] "what's your name?" i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.
@melpraktis: Safe words are for quitters.
@SondraDeeMe: [sex in car]
ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching?
UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?