@iwearaonesie: the dog ran into a fence chasing a squirrel. she doesn't look anything like me but she's mine. i can tell
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@HallpassCanada: The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn't seem to be having the desired affect.
@Dutch_50: Whenever I see a bruise on a banana my first thought is pity, but then I think it probably deserved it because I slipped on a peel once.
@KeetPotato: [tour of zoo] kid: "i think its a elephant" me: "are you giving the tour" kid: me: "anyway as i was saying this is the big snake face thing"