@reesespiece_: The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)
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@Brianhopecomedy: I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service it's because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
@krisv_723: Plot twist: I knock on Jehovah's Witnesses doors. "I'd like to talk to you about modern science "
@iwearaonesie: wife: Why is there a broom in the driveway? me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car
@rebrafsim: Sensei: you have learned much, my child Nonsensei: flamingos are extremely inconsiderate