@reesespiece_: The door to door bible people just skipped my house! See, all it takes is trying to kiss the guy and he wont be back (until 3am)
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@helltotheyaya: Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
@Jeff_Sargeant: 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids. Then it's bad
@internetluke: [talking with counselor] I don't "know" what "she" means that I "use" excessive air quotes
@StayNobody: *Sees son doing homework* What u doing? "Math, it's due Friday" *I slowly crumple the paper and put it in my mouth* They'll never believe u