@secondofhername: The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*
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@JhonRules: *dumps Gatorade on an alligator* How does your family taste you green piece of shit
@Phook75: "Nobody wants to hear about pooping" Actually Mom, I think you'll find that there's an entire social network dedicated to proving you wrong.
@LeannaZaiden: This tweet would get all dressed up and go somewhere special on a Saturday night, but unfortunately it's married.. so it'll just get drunk.