@Ristolable: The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I tweeted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
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@lydiagreer: Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
@DanielRCarrillo: Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die
@Sassafrantz: 57% of serial killers were bed wetters until an unusually advanced age. Let's make fun of them! What's the worst that could hap..never mind.
@notfolu: I had to delete Facebook because I liked too many pictures of dogs yesterday and now the newsfeed algorithm thinks I care about those people