@Ristolable: The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I tweeted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
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@LuvPug: I could probably survive about a week in the wilderness eating only the food I spill on my shirt any given day.
@Ideal_Victoria: [At a psychic fair] Psychic: Ask whatever you want to know. Success? Work? Love? Money? Me: Can you tell me where my car keys are?
@TheAliciaKraft: STEVE: you misspelled my name ME: Oh uh it's a joke LATER, TO STOVE: I'll make you another cake when he leaves