@GermanFreckles: The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
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@GuyConfused: Love my pillow so much because it doesn't leave my house in the morning after spending the night with me.
@PinkCamoTO: David Attenborough voice "Amazing. See how the youngest of the species always needs something when the mother is in the bathroom."
@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage