@deadbearrising: The ducks get even
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@Milariou: I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
@ItsAndyRyan: 'Space Jam' never gets old - that's because in the sterile environment of space fruit preserves don't spoil. Hi, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson.
@Home_Halfway: COP: You're allowed 1 phone call ME: I'm gonna call your mom & tell on you for arresting me COP: *nervously sweating* Why would you do that
@Quartzjixler: I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this year I resolve that I will neither become the pope nor will I become a cannibal.