@deadbearrising: The ducks get even
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@Diversion50: IAN: Why is that bear hanging out in the bar? ME: He's a well known, gimmick. IAN: Really? ME: That's Conan. Conan The Bar Bear, Ian.
@joeheenan: I've discovered my home doesn't have a basement. It was just the estate agent doing that walking down the stairs thing behind the couch
@Playing_Dad: [At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*
@iwearaonesie: wife: What would you do if 9 told you he was gay? me [looking for the remote] Ask him if he's seen the remote