@noogscorner: The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You should be nicer to me. You'll never have another dad. 5-year-old: Don't be so sure. Mom is pretty.
@lovemydogduck: Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car.
@RoosterMustache: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like "hey thanks" and I'm like "I'm just happy to be a part of this nice community"