@KevinFarzad: The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn't just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
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@Mike__Lee: My boss asked if I had Facebook and I said sure and gave up the link. Then she asked about twitter. After an awkward silence I said, huh?
@VodkaThursday: Once Prince dies there will be some freaky shit that comes out like he ate only butterflies or bathed in babies or something. Mark.My.Words.
@PJTLynch: Ladies: To see how a guy is in bed, watch him put on a shoe. Does he just cram his foot in? Or does he lick the shoe fully then gently enter
@disco_bird: All firemen must dread the moment when they're done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.