@ScorpionDong: The easiest way to get rid of a ghost is to ask him for some rent money or to help with the dishes
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@ZaynabHashem2: 2017 whatsapp notification: Linda read your message and texted Morissa and they decided to go to McDonalds without you
@ClaytonSykes: After buying toilet paper at Walgreens, the cashier said, "you'll need your receipt." I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life...
@XplodingUnicorn: Random woman in the store: What's in your mom's tummy? 5-year-old: A baby. Woman: What kind of baby? 5-year-old: A human one. Nailed it.
@TheMichaelRock: What's up with these people in Pakistan getting stoned to death? What kind of weed are they growing there?