@ElPasofist: The Easter Bunny doesn't always drink, but when he does it's hopscotch.
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@seancoleran: Girlfriend: Why is this broom broken? Did you draw a lightning bolt on the cat? Are you writing with a feather? Me: Muggles....
@Breadery: I want my hearse to have 'JUST DIED' written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper.
@BatmanOffDuty: *buying a dog* Is this a good dog? "Oh yeah, very good dog." Do any tricks? "No, I'm clean, selling dogs now."
@ANNIEwayyyy: Just bought gas for $1.32/gallon. Don't own a car but couldn't pass up the bargain.