@weinerdog4life: The elites don’t want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home I have 458 ducks
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@FattMernandez: I couldn't be trusted with a time machine. I'd get killed going back and testing whether or not Velociraptors really could open doors.
@jwoodham: Sorry I didn't text you back, but my body is like 70% water and I really didn't want to mess up my phone.
@JohnLyonTweets: Please stop telling dirty jokes at the office. It’s inappropriate, and you’re talking too softly for me to hear the punchlines.