@BuckyIsotope: The ending for Toy Story 3 only Andy sells his toys to get weed money and makes a bong out of Mr. Potato Head.
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@AristotlesNZ: Neighbor: Yard sale huh? How much's mower? Me: $50 Him: Wait! That's the one you borrowed from me! Me: $20 Him: Its a $500 mower! Me: ..$100
@slytherinstef: So I didn't stab the idiot who knocked over my entire coffee- Does that sainthood thing start like right away or...
@ramzy: 9-year old: Dad smell this. You licked a puss. Me: [mutes TV] what 9-year old: it’s so good. Smell it. You licked a puss. Me: ... 9-year old: [hands me a candle jar] Me. It’s *eucalyptus*