@lecalabara: "The entire sky is mine to explore!Nah, Ill just swoop dangerously through traffic instead."- Birds
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@nice_mustard: dear teenage me, it's the future. no flying cars but you will write jokes on a telephone. no don't kill yourself it's actually pretty fun
@robfee: Mitt Romney announcing he’s not running for president is like Johnny Depp announcing there won’t be a sequel to Mortdecai.
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "I think this patient is dying. What blood type is he?" Nurse: "B positive." Doctor: "Okay. I don't think this patient is dying."