@mrjohntofu: The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULLSHIT.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HomeProbably: I gave my son an iPhone for Christmas and I haven’t seen him since. Parenting is easy.
@JaneBadall: Fondly remembering a time when I could wear an over-sized guy's cardigan and still look pretty sexy, now I just look like a crazy bag lady.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: What do you think of my tweets? Wife: They're all pretty terrible. Me: Don't you have ANYTHING positive to say? Wife: You're consistent.
@phaggots: "Paper or plastic?" Sorry i have a boyfriend "Thats cool, but how should i bag your grocer-" I think we should just be friends