@zoebread: im not a morning person. in the morning i am a goat

@SoNotBrendan: Apple and Puma have developed smart track pants, they're called iPumaPants.

@Jedi_Daddy: "I'll have the Anti-sleeping Prescription" "Sir, those are kids" "Gimme two"

@iwearaonesie: wife: Feeling better? me: Yeah wife: Kind of overreacted to a cold didn't you? [flashback to me calling the Make-A-Wish Foundation] me: No

@david8hughes: [shipwreck diary] Day 3: dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very impressive.