@RubyBottoms: The ex says he's come into some money and can finally "take care" of me. Wait...he's gonna have me killed isn't he?
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@LindaInDisguise: Facebook is the biggest whistle-blower of them all, telling people I saw their messages.
@DaddyJew: IT:have you deleted your cookies? Me:yea the chocolate ones. There may be some raisin ones left IT:is there somebody else I could talk to?
@causticbob: A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, "Can I use your Dictaphone?" He says, "No, dial with your finger like everyone else."
@gentilecoont: Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?