@cynicanoldicus: The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood.
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@pranavsapra: They named it Galaxy Note because when you take this thing out of your pocket, the entire Galaxy can note that it's been taken out.
@HomeProbably: The human liver can withstand up to 97% damage and make a full recovery. Yet not one doctor will accept this as an argument for alcoholism.
@treydayway: Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
@daemonic3: What is the deal with airplane food? Seriously, I'm trying to feed this thing and I don't know what airplanes eat.