@Nickadoo: The fact that Mitt Romney opted to see Twilight instead of Lincoln this weekend probably sums up what his presidency would've been like.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Chumpstring: KIDNAPPER: [on phone] I'm holding your son for ransom. DAD: I have no money, what's the ransom? KIDNAPPER: Bring me one rich kid.
@malt_skull: [Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*
@jacob_swift16: Her: I just don't like you, no one does Me: What, why? is it my hair? Her: no Me: MY LOOKS!? Her: no, it's your personality Me: oh thank god
@trentistweeting: "doctor, help! my son shattered one of his kneecaps!" it's ok, the human body can survive on one kid-knee