@LeeryLeary: The fact that the British call math "maths" scares me, since the only thing more frightening than math is plural math.
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@sarcasm_inc: [airport security pulls Robocop aside] -Got ID? I AM A POLICE OFFIC- -Murphy eh. Looks nothin like u. THAT WAS BEFORE I GOT SH- -Save it pal
@Imsohoppy: I have a particular set of skills, skills that allow me to open beer cans so no one in the house knows I'm drinking.
@sixfootcandy: Sorry I sprayed bug spray in your face. Those fake eyelashes scared the hell out of me.
@KateWhineHall: Pro tip: When quickly pulling into your garage to avoid your neighbor be sure your garage door is all the way up.