@LMFaye: The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
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@KeetPotato: pilot: [via intercom] if you dont shut up back there i will stop this plane co-pilot: [quieter] wont it fall out the sky pilot: not now gary
@deLusticious: Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
@QwertyJones3: [FBI job interview] "Do you have any self defense training?" *flashback to hiding behind fence from teenagers* Yes I'm skilled at fencing.
@iGreenMonk: No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in their coffee.