@OhNoSheTwitnt: The families in Eggo commercials live in nice houses and appear wealthy. Why are they always fighting over one shitty frozen waffle?
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@YeahDrewisOn: Her: I can't believe you slept with her! Me: WE WERE ON A BREAK! Her: I just went to the store to buy bread! Me: Longest six minutes ever
@thatUPSdude: I'm not saying all my friends are Pot Heads But we did have a 2 hour discussion on how Sponge Bob Grills underwater
@ericsshadow: My wife just texted "I'm too young to die" after they announced her United flight is overbooked.