@Underchilde: The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.
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@sixfootcandy: My neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the crazy naked lady and I'm the only one not invited. Weird.
@causticbob: I had a few too many beers at an art exhibition and threw up all over the floor. Someone offered me three grand for it.
@iamspacegirl: Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage Elves: no! Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light