@Underchilde: The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.
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@envydatropic: My greatest fear is that I'll be reported as a missing person and my family guesstimates my weight way higher than what I actually weigh
@better_off_dad: I wouldn't call it 'passive aggressive', but I do send the glitter Christmas cards to the people who annoy me.
@FrogAvalanche: Cop: Lets go, boys, no meth in this house. *zoom to fish tank* Fish 1: *nods* Fish 2: [taps on pirate ship] Resume cooking, Lenny. *bubbles*