@Underchilde: The fastest way to get to the front of the line at Starbucks is just to tell everyone you saw Adele outside.
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@KayRants: If you send multiple one sentence texts, I will mail a raccoon to your face I'm not kidding.
@RobDenBleyker: I'll never forget what my grandfather told me before he died. He said "Never forget what I'm about to tell you" then some story about corn.
@samiru27: Jane Austen really squandered the opportunity to write a sequel called "2 Proud 2 Prejudiced."
@SuperRandomish: When someone asks how I feel, I always answer "Squishy and like I've done something wrong"