@OneFunnyMummy: The fastest way to get your kids to shut up is to ask them a question you want answered.
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@juliussharpe: For $100,000 I will come into your organization and evaluate whether the other consultants you're working with are idiots.
@ch000ch: [time traveler returns home to 1881] guys i forgot to grab the cure for malaria but here's some...DORITOS LOCOS TACOS [loud cheering]
@lawblob: Son, its time we had 'the talk.' [dad removes shirt, starts projector, chugs 4 beers] Ok! So Tower 1 steel beams could only have melted at-
@warbird622: Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now.....