@NotthatAdamWest: The FBI's security gets penetrated so often that we should make it an honorary Kardashian.
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@PaperFury: All I'm saying is that 95% of the reason we want libraries with ladders is so we can run up, jump on the ladder, and slide majestically down rows of books with our cloaks fluttering behind us.
@EricMarten: George Zimmerman was arrested again for aggravated assault with a weapon. It's almost like there's a pattern here.
@Fickle_Filly: Lies I tell at work: ~ I'm sorry I said that ~ I didn't mean to offend you ~ It won't happen again ~ Of course I don't think you're an idiot
@mrjohndarby: Cop: I have bad news. It's your son. You need to come down to the mortuary Mom: But…how? Cop: Maybe get a cab?