@topaz_kell: The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheTimmyToes: *thousands of puppies flooding onto the battlefield* General: "STAY STRONG, MEN!" *soldiers just petting puppies everywhere*
@jaggings: Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I'm very disappointed with all of you.
@TheEighthKnight: Me: I have a huge crush on this girl. Him: What’s her name? Me: I’m not telling you. Him: What does it start with at least? Me: @