@TheBigBatman: The first 36 years of my childhood have been the hardest.
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@InternetHippo: “What attracted you to our company?” Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work
@gm_cage: My 8 yr old son just told me Nutella is a delicious mix of nuts and umbrellas. He's ready for Twitter.
@jessicaa1017: Waitress at Olive Garden tells me to say "when" and starts grating cheese on my salad I say nothing Room fills with Parmesan No one survives