@TheToddWilliams: The first “cowboy” was a hideous creature, born of irresponsible science.
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@JediGigi: Her: I'm really upset. I need some sound advice from my smart and trusted friend. Me: [mouthful of Doritos] Who dat gonna be?
@tastefactory: *ring ring* Hello? "If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000" OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM "I won't if u-" Haha gotcha, leave a message
@Marlebean: Me: Sometimes you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, enfarcorate, and move on. You know what I'm saying? Friend: ...
@KyleMcDowell86: ME: (first day as a detective) It looks like he accidentally shot himself in the head while trying to eat his own gun. What a shame. MY PARTNER: Have u considered suicide? ME: Jesus Christ man, I just get sad sometimes. I dont want to die.