@TheToddWilliams: The first “cowboy” was a hideous creature, born of irresponsible science.
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@TawaNicolas: I lost one of mom's Tupperware at work and now I'm looking for a new family to adopt me.
@brynnester: Me: *chopping onions* Her: Why are you crying? Me: I used to have a pet onion when I was a kid
@YesItsAl: I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend
@huntigula: Your resume just says "falconer" "And?" Well, this is a bank *falcon starts break-dancing* "Not yet Tyler, wait until he offers us the job"