@ericsshadow: The first guy that paid for life insurance died never knowing if it was a scam.
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@lovemyboots111: Apparently asking the boss " who ignited the fuse on your tampon?" will get you sent to HR.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
@tyleroakley: The 11th commandment was, "Talk shit, get hit" but God totally didn't have enough room on those stone things, so, like, yeah.