@PaulGibson1963: The first Hobbit movie was half the book. The second, about a quarter. In the sixth instalment, the group has a 3 hour breakfast and a nap.
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@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it's frosting.
@WildeThingy: A new study shows twitter is more addictive than crack. A scientist who looks suspiciously like my wife said "better put down that phone."
@jordan_stratton: Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality.
@juliussharpe: I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn't stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying.