@NicestHippo: The first judge ever was like "When I'm done talking I'll pound my desk with a hammer" and we were all "Ok that's not insane"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@nachosarah: the only reason you should be showing me pictures of your kids is if they're missing or you want them to be
@PJTLynch: "Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?" Wife: "Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?" "...Yes" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*
@ArfMeasures: ME: I was having a juice cleanse between 6 & 8 p.m COP: You don't need an alibi, you're not a suspect ME: I know, I'm just telling everyone
@LeBearGirdle: *Heaven* God: you may ask me 1 question Me: Why aren't there lowercase and uppercase numbers? God: what? Me: I wanna write loud numbers