@CakeThrottle: The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.
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@lilgapeach30: I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent. Might not kill him but he'll never have any friends.
@AtticusFinch79: [murder scene] Snail detective 1-He left a decent trail SD2- Let's track him down *10 hours later* SD1-Damn that guy is fast
@SirEviscerate: The Chopped contestants open their ingredients box, each finding the head of a loved one. Two scream, the third is thinking "bourbon glaze".