@tigersgoroooar: The first rule of kite club is you do not talk about Benjamin Franklin.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [on first date] Let me get that for you. *holds door open* "May I help you, sir?" Yes, my lady would like your finest soft taco supreme…
@RamblingMachine: The worst part of having to kiss someone is when the coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.
@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I’m not beating her.