@joeljeffrey: The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.
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@LackOfShame: I never feel like a bigger failure than when my dog re-scratches something I just scratched for her.
@TheRolo: [Gets cut off by a Pruis] *Speeds up to cut off Prius then drops a banana peel behind me* *Prius spins out of control* Thug life.
@bencoffeehall: Just saw a license plate that said "LUV SLUG." I hope it shrivels up when they salt the roads in the winter.