@jake_lach: My neighbor and I accidentally made eye contact today when she caught me making a sandwich in her kitchen

@praisecheese: This fall on Fox: X-Files Babies. Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat.

@okmatchhead: If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often.

@MissScarlettK: I'm a pretty confident woman until I walk out of the grocery store & try to find where I parked.

@paulrobalino: It's like my dad always said: "Stop quoting me and come up with your own ideas."