@FlyoverJoel: The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food.
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@KeetPotato: me: "£4,000 for a beehive?" salesman: "sir, there are 8,000 bees in there, that's only 50p each" me: [checking my wallet] "give me 3 bees"
@Mikecanrant: *Pauses Titanic during the most romantic part* *Turns to GF* "You know, Contra was really easy. But I still liked using the 100 life code"
@citizenkawala: My wife’s story about her day had 18 sub plots, two false finishes, buried the lead and introduced a new character in the third act.
@_Tempo11: [voice recognition in car] Car: "please say a command" Me: "call Tim" Car: "calling Sarah Marcogliese"