@FlyoverJoel: The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food.
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@ComedicBust: *On my Deathbed* Me: Tell Tac.. *cough* Wife: What sweetie? Tell who what?! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..
@XplodingUnicorn: If you still had hope for kids today, a teenager in a bookstore pointed to a book title and asked me if it was about World War Two or Eleven
@TheToxicWaster: My wife said she wants a divorce for valentines day. I wasn't planning to spend that much..
@UnFitz: Dyslexic Superbowl watchers were probably disappointed when they saw football instead of a superb owl.