@TheMichaelRock: The four scariest words any husband can hear are "guess what today is?"
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@Schmoodles: #ThoughtsInMyHead 1. How much wine can a cat drink? 2. How do you resuscitate a drunk cat? 3. Will they do an autopsy on a dead cat?
@SSgtTommyD: My daughter has an ice skating date with her boyfriend tonight. So I'll be the guy skating behind two 12 year olds carrying a shotgun.
@Book_Krazy: Me: It's late. I guess I'll go to bed. -My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one "Let's put up a tent in the living room"
@IamEnidColeslaw: That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.