@TheMichaelRock: The four scariest words any husband can hear are "guess what today is?"
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Tit for tat is just exchanging one palindrome for another, much dirtier, palindrome.
@3sunzzz: Hi. This is my first time at yoga. When I called they said to bring a Matt. *points at man standing next to her* Now what do we do with him?
@5oulhealer: When I was little I asked God for a bike. He didn't deliver so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead.
@Easy_Tiger__: ATTN: I'm looking for a new girlfriend Are you: 1. Between the age of 11-69? 2. Mostly female? 3. Trained to poop outside? DM for details