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@AimeeHelene1: The French cow says MEUX...
@TheTweetOfGod: The more I learn about Myself the more atheist I become.
BOSS: How many words can you type a minute?
ME: Probably all of them
BOSS: What do you mean?
ME: Well, like for example, pickle
@FuttyNudgekins: When I see a self-help book at a secondhand store, I wonder...does that mean it worked, or it is bullshit?
@SunniWestbrook: OMG. I saw Leonardo da Vinci trending and thought he died.
@TheBeerGuy73: Wife: Let's get my mom a special gift; one that will make her lose her mind!
Me: How about a guillotine?
Me: I'll be on the couch.