@SCbchbum: The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize.
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@internetluke: [interview for fireman] "So why do you think you're a good fireman?" I lit the building on fire "What?" Now watch as I try to put it out
@Ristolable: He died doing what he loved: typing his symptoms into WebMD instead of going to the doctor
@CornOnTheGoblin: my wife's lover: what about your husband "he won't be home from the camouflage store for hours" [plant in the corner cocks gun]
@ThePocketJustin: My phone case doesn't expose the logo on the back. So it could be anything. I could be speaking on two mirrors with foam in the middle.