@offsidebastard: The girl across from me is on the phone to her boyfriend. I regret nodding when she told him she looked terrible.
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@BitchyJasmine: Listened to some Beethoven last night. And some Lady Gaga today. Now I'm quite confused. Who's the deaf one again?
@TheIronSherk: *Paper beats rock* *Paper beats eggs* *Paper beats his girlfriend* *Paper beats his three year old*
@novicefather: [grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy
@brothasoul: Mitt Romney: "I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman, and a woman, and a woman..."