@louise_vuitton: The girl at Starbucks wrote my name as "Meghen" like I lay eggs or some shit.
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@theshamingofjay: Co-worker: Did you see that play in the Super Bowl? Worst decision ever. Me: Really? Aren't you married?
@brunopieroni: Just ran into Björk walking into her hjötel. Ljöking fjörward to her show at Pitchfjörk tjönight (hjöly shit my Icelandic is pjërfect).
@XplodingUnicorn: Friend: I set a new personal record last week Me: Me too Friend: I took 2 minutes off my marathon time Me: I ate 12 tacos in one sitting.