@louise_vuitton: The girl at Starbucks wrote my name as "Meghen" like I lay eggs or some shit.
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@realHamOnWry: My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player. I want us to see other people.
@david8hughes: [board meeting] "So Mr Parachute do u have a name for your invention?" "I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'." "Uh no."