@RykWeston: The girl at the Baskins-Robbins thinks Leonardo da Vinci was "in that Titanic movie". Now my ice cream tastes like stupid.
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@david8hughes: [interrogation] "How do u kno the deceased?" I was his drug dealer. "Louder for the tape?" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs.
@Cidisn: *sees a racoon in the neighbor's trash* I won't say anything if you don't. *continues rummaging*
@JohnLyonTweets: I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there's plenty of blame to go around.