@Not_From_Troy: The girl in front of me sped up so I did too. She started to run, just like me. Then she yelled for help, me too. I wonder what we fled from
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@slimmy_shady: Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?
@KeetPotato: [airport] "you should have used a tag" [a horse emerges on luggage belt] noone else has brought a horse linda [another horse appears] oh FFS
@GensPlace: I was ringing this 0800 number for two days before I realised it was their opening hours.
@WheelTod: You want me to make up a word for the period of my life before I became a mailman? That's preposterous