@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.
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@WakeVII: Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel.
@jonnysun: [at a fancy restuarant] WIFE: make sure u leave a good tip ME: ok [writing on bill] "only evolve ur pokemon when uve activated a lucky egg"
@ericsshadow: 1985: call me on the new line in my room 2000: call me on my mobile flip phone 2015: don't call me