@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.
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@MUMSIEesq: SECURITY GUARD: You can't bring open containers of alcohol in here. ME: This is a service beer.
@RuinMyWeek: It took me 20 minutes and a terribly bruised wrist to realize that this slap bracelet is actually a ruler.
@jackiembouvier: Well, Jesus, now all Samsung's competitors have to say is "we won't blow up in your pocket and set you ablaze!"