@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: [ 3 AM ] Friend: I got a flat and I'm stranded Me: Do you have snacks in your car? Friend: No Me: *Hangs up
@NurseSeymour: Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he'll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.