@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.
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@heroinsdemise: What many don't know, "Riverdance" was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.
@PaperWash: [death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man
@Becky_DDB: Science tip: you can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.