@ShaneKnowsStuff: The girls I meet in bars have the worst pickup lines. They're like, "Hey, what's your friend's name?" Never works on me ladies.
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@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.
@Kimpulses: You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
@daemonic3: "Hi, how much for a slice of pizza?" A slice is $2.50, and second slice only $1. "I'd like 3 second slices please"
@TheMichaelRock: If you draw a picture of a butthole on the questionnaire, there's a 95% chance you'll get out of jury duty. Would be 100%. But, Texas.