@ShaneKnowsStuff: The girls I meet in bars have the worst pickup lines. They're like, "Hey, what's your friend's name?" Never works on me ladies.
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@FatuousFloozy: Women love a man that can cook, tell a lady you're interested in that youll cook anything their heart desires. And pray they say "spaghetti"
@KevinFarzad: Every political Facebook status should start with, "First of all, I have no idea what I'm talking about."
@MarfSalvador: Dad owl: I’m dying so I need you to look after things. I’m going to give you- Son owl: Don’t say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]