@ShaneKnowsStuff: The girls I meet in bars have the worst pickup lines. They're like, "Hey, what's your friend's name?" Never works on me ladies.
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@QwertyJones3: "Yes, I need to check in." "Sir, this is a burn unit." "Yeah, I got hit hard with a series of jokes about my mom, and I had no comeback."
@Kyle_Lippert: Fun prank: Find a sleeping spider, crawl in its mouth and lay your eggs. Turn the tables. Give nature the finger. Live it up.
@MeganGetsMoney: Logged out of Twitter for a few hours... Finally graduated college, lost some weight, showered, read 17 books, and started a family.