@ryanchris: The Golden Globes is how everyone else on twitter gets revenge on sports fans.
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@murrman5: [phone w/ son while in bank thats being robbed] in case this goes bad, go to google on the iPad and delete "can owls fly" before mom sees it
@jus4golf: Last night I got so drunk I spent an hour apologizing to a tree for saying it's bark was worse than it's bite.
@notalogin: *overeats sugar* *gets diabetes* *gets limbs amputated* *can finally smile authentically in pics now that not worried what to do with hands*
@OldFolkProblms: Back in my day, we didn't have apps to tell everyone where we were all the time We had to actually work for it if we wanted to get murdered