@ryanchris: The Golden Globes is how everyone else on twitter gets revenge on sports fans.
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@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it's frosting.
@Douchekevin: Wife asked if I was going to take out the trash. Told her I didn't know her sister needed a ride home. I'm bleeding. Call 911
@ClaytonSykes: Barber pointed out my new gray hairs and said I looked refined. I hope someone tells him the key marks on his car looks like racing stripes.
@FilthyRichmond: Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)