@topaz_kell: The good news about falling down the stairs is that my Fitbit counted it as a mile walk.
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@lawbsterfest: Better names for porcupines: Needle Beaver Battlepig Hurty Squirrel Flail Monster Cactus Rat Capy-scare-uh Death otter Revenge Possum
@huntigula: *finds all 7 dragonballs *dragon appears* "WHAT IS YOUR WIS...OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK"
@iamspacegirl: God *up on a chair, shrieking*: GET IT GET IT Mrs God: You know they're more afraid of you than you are of them *gently sweeps man outside*
@LOUD_Thoughts_: I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.