@Torriable: The Government could have bailed out Hostess - by legalizing weed
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@JElvisWeinstein: The nicotine patch is great. I get my addiction out of the hands of the evil tobacco industry and into the loving arms of big pharma.
@rickolantern: You didn't have to say "he's a male nurse." When you said 'he' my psychic ability of gender discernment kicked in.
@Karate_Horse: [loud speaker] "Hi shoppers I see a lot of confused guys with mustaches. we've moved the Hawaiian shirt section next to the pleated jorts"
@iwearaonesie: *kidnapper calls to make his demands but my kid keeps interrupting him to ask if he wants to see his fidget spinner*