@jfrank50: The grass looks greener on the other side because it's fertilized with bullshit.
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@GrowlyGrego: *approaches pond* *water recedes* *turns away* *water returns* What the ?? *approaches pond* *water recedes* Oh, I see. This is a coy pond.
@david8hughes: [first day as a bartender] Customer: gimme a scotch on the rocks Me [scrunching towel into glass]: I know lemonade, I can do lemonade
@TheToddWilliams: [interview] BOSS: So I see you majored in communication? ME: No…miscommunication BOSS: Your resume clearly says communication ME: See?