@samalmightysam: The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it's a Chinese product that's lasted more than a month.
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@stephenjmolloy: Mafia boss: "I want him swimming with the fishes!" *later at the coral reef* Me: "This is amazing!" Mafia boss: "Anything for you."
@vineyille: Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation. Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years.
@tylerschmall: Great, iTunes terms and conditions has changed and my attorney is on vacation. Just perfect.